This is chapter 1 of Why You Don’t Need A Divorce Attorney – One Paralegal’s Take On Divorce, Responsibility, And Compromise
CHAPTER 1 – Divorce – An Epidemic
Divorce is everywhere, all around us. Our friends are getting divorced, our parents are getting divorced, our children are getting divorced. My children’s friends parents all seem to be divorced. My divorce paralegal firm handles approximately 30 divorce cases every month and we are just one company in one town in America.
The phone literally rings off the hook each and every day and I keep thinking to myself, “Isn’t everyone already divorced yet?” Indeed, good for business, but sad to see so many people going through this.
While I wish I had a cure for divorce, I will just have to continue feeling good about providing a divorce solution to people that makes going through divorce a much more comfortable experience.
What Is The Divorce Rate?
There is much debate on this topic. If you were to do a Google search, you would come across numerous articles that say the divorce rate is around the 40% to 50% mark. Honestly, the actual rate at which people are divorcing is not important except to show that it is pretty high.
From personal experience, all I can say is that there is a lot of divorce going on. And don’t get me started on my opinion on where we are going with the younger generations. So much is changing with our culture. 40 or so years ago people got married young, got a job and worked that one job for 30 years.
These days the younger folks are not getting married until well into their 30’s and working at multiple jobs. I just wonder if this trend will carry over into relationships. I think it will and already has.
Why People Divorce
Obviously I don’t have the answer to why people divorce. In fact, I don’t really even want to discuss this topic. You want to know why? Because it just does not matter. I am not saying you don’t matter, just that learning the reasons why are not going to help you with what you have going on in your life, except to learn that you are not alone.
We know all the negative things that spouses do that causes divorce, but what about where spouses just grow apart and it is not working anymore? In my business I see more people simply growing apart than anything else. And it may be less about growing apart and more about that they did not continue to grow together as a unit.
I feel that in most cases divorce is not a surprise. What I mean to say is that if the relationship is so poor that one of you feels that it is bad enough to feel it necessary to file for divorce, or even start talking divorce, that the other party has to have some idea that things are not very rosy.
That said, there are some exceptions. I have lots of women clients that say that nothing is really wrong, that things are just the same as always. Or they will say that they don’t really know why they are not happy, they are just not happy.
What does this tell us? I don’t know, but it could mean that men and women are just different. How profound a statement, right? It may be a reason or It may be an excuse, but it seems some men feel that to go to work, provide shelter, food and safety is enough. But I think we need to get out of that caveman style mentality if we want to see any reversal of the divorce epidemic.
But we are not here to talk about the why. We are here to talk about the how. How are you going to get through this divorce and how are things going to look on the other end of this? I will tell you, based upon my clients conversations and experiences, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. That as bad as it might seem while you are going through divorce, that happiness will reenter your life soon after.
Women Lead In Filing For Divorce
I could research the statistic, but I don’t have to. Women take the lead in initiating the divorce process. In my business, most of my inquiries about divorce are from women and in suit, women are the ones to come in to our offices and initiate the divorce process.
If I had to put a number to it, I would put it at about 80% of the time. Why is this? In my experience I have found that there is just something about the men who simply stick their head in the sand and don’t want to deal with the issues. This is not a blanket statement for all men, but I see this all too often.
Even when the women starts the divorce process, we are still having to drag most men through the process. The men are not uncooperative as much as they just don’t want to deal with it.