Fear & Divorce | Don’t Let Fear Dictate Your California Divorce

To be sure, getting a divorce is going to change your life one way or another and by how much will vary from person to person. But with change, comes fear. Fear of the unknown mostly. Fear of change. But don’t let fear overpower you or cause you to make rash decisions. Here is where I am going with on this.
When I was talking to you about not listening to your friends and to come to your own conclusions, I was referring to people who will either purposely or with the best of intensions, cause a certain level of fear in you. Specifically by stating that if you don’t get an attorney that you will get screwed in your divorce. I am using that language purposely, because that is usually how I hear it being stated by my clients so perhaps this terminology rings true for you too.

I am also talking about the fear attorneys will try to instill in you as well with similar rhetoric. Let me tell you how this works. You decide you want to speak to an attorney about your divorce. Let’s say you have some questions, which is fine. What most attorneys will do is tell you all the bad things that can happen to you if you don’t hire an attorney and why you need to retain them now to “protect your rights”.

You want to know why attorneys say this? Because they have to. They have to tell you all this scary stuff because it is their job to “fight for your rights”. It is their job to get you the “best deal” in your divorce. It is not that they are bad, necessarily, just that the very nature of having an attorney puts you in an adversarial position with your spouse. I mean it is called, “The Adversarial System”. I don’t want to go to far with this conversation because I have dedicated an entire chapter to this.

What I wanted you to get out of this chapter is that there is a better way. You don’t have to go down the path of the adversarial system. You don’t have to go to court, you don’t have to go to trial, you don’t even need to see a courtroom. I laugh to myself sometimes because when people call me they frequently will ask, “What would a judge say about (blank)”. And my answer is always the same.

No judge is ever going to make a decision about anything if you guys can work out your agreements outside of court. The only people who ever see a judge are the ones that could not figure it out by themselves and needed to have a judge to decide. There is a big misconception that to get divorced that you need to go in front of a judge for them to make a decision.

This is so far from the truth. My clients who use our service and ultimately come to an agreement will never set foot in court. My office deals directly with the spouses to come to an agreement and document that agreement. This turns the divorce process into more of simply drafting agreements and submitting them to the court for approval.

The Court does not look at your agreements to see if anything is fair or even equal. All they care is to make sure that the children are being taken care of and that procedure was followed property and the divorce paperwork done correctly. That’s it.

Here is how you get rid of fear about divorce and the divorce process. Get educated. You are taking a great first step here by reading this book. You can also go to my website at www.divorce661.com and read the over 2,000 articles, videos and podcasts I have produced on the topic of divorce in California.

You can also just pick up the phone and call 661-281-0266 for a free phone consultation where I can learn about your situation, discuss if our services are a good fit for you and answer any questions you have about divorce and the divorce process.