Divorce Mediation Is Not For Everyone

Tim: Oh, I like this one.

Lisa: Okay.

Tim: So the myth was mediation is always the best option for every divorcing couple.

So is Divorce Mediation is the best option for everyone?

Lisa: No. In my earlier days and when I was training and going to school, I just thought this is the answer to world peace.

And everybody should just sit down and if you’re a good enough mediator, you can get an agreement out of anybody.

That is not the case. Now there are issues especially in Divorce that you do not want to mediate. You shouldn’t mediate.

It’s not appropriate for mediation. It’s something and that’s why the courts are there and that’s why good attorneys are there and that’s why the judge is there to protect people from these kinds of things.

And that’s domestic violence and any kind of child abuse going on and any kind of serious criminally activity with money on either side.

Those kinds of things cannot be mediated.

Tim: Right.

Lisa: And that is when you have to ask those really good questions on the intake and you find out what’s going on both sides.

And usually after the initial consultation, you can know whether if you can move forward with this.

Tim: And what issues there are maybe.

Lisa: Exactly! And you need find and you need to make sure that they are honest with you.

Tim: Yes.

Lisa: Because a lot of times they just sort of, ‘Let’s just do this. Can we just do mediation?’

And we need to be able to ask the hard questions and find out what’s going on. And that’s not, unfortunately, there are things that cannot be mediated.

They need the law. The need the courts. They need that whole system on their side.

Tim: And you need to have obviously a high level of honesty and integrity.

I mean especially when it comes to like discussing assets and income and things in that nature.

Lisa: Right.

Tim: You need to be open and honest. I mean mediation doesn’t work if you’re trying to hide something.

Lisa: No.

Tim: …nor saying something doesn’t exist when it does. I mean that’s just not going to work.

Lisa: And I think maybe it’s because I do come from a different background, from a background of Psychology, we kind of get a feeling to people.

And you get those red flags and you think, you know, what, this probably is not the best option, especially if it’s the other party that’s going to be damage.

Tim: So you’ve had cases that you started mediation…

Lisa: And you have to terminate it.

Tim: …where you got to a point where you’re like. . .

Lisa: You have to terminate it.

Tim: ‘…this is not going to happen.’

Lisa: When certain things are disclosed, you have to say, ‘You know, what this is not the best arena for this. This is not the best option for you. And I really recommend that you go find separate attorneys and deal with these issues.’

Tim: Okay.

Lisa: Now you can come back and do a parenting plan if that’s something you want to work out.

But particular issues need to be taken care within the court system.

Tim: Yes. And we talk a lot about saving money and doing your Divorce with the company like ours or using mediation and have attorneys but there are just times when there are needs for attorneys.

Lisa: Right.

Tim: The only thing I try and get across people is that, it’s not and this shouldn’t be your first option. I mean some case you’re just going to need an attorney.

Lisa: Right.

Tim: There’s no choice about it.

Lisa: Right.

Tim: But for 95% of population is that with our services combined, our service alone, your service alone, they can get through this for a lot more cost effective and less emotional drain.

Well, maybe more emotional drain, it depends on how the mediation goes.

Lisa: Exactly! But the end result you come out healthier, happier, more saying with a lot more money than if you would have decided to drag it on to court and enables to heal and serve that healing process quicker.

Tim: Yes. Okay, good. Any other myths that you have like of common questions…

Lisa: You know those are all I mean…

Tim: …are those pretty good?

Lisa: I had pretty much covered all of them. And there are things that I hear all the time. People are saying especially the wimpy one.

Tim: Really? I wasn’t even going to address that one. Is there anything about them?

Lisa: Because some men are just and a few times women are like, ‘Really? I already have a therapist.

Tim: Yes.

Lisa: I don’t want to sit and cry with my ex-husband. We’ve done this forever.

Tim: Yes.

Lisa: But this is I just want to tell them over and over that this, ‘If you want to be in control of this process, you want to be in control of what happens with your kids, and your money, and your health, then this is the process that is worth giving a try. You need to try this process. It saves everybody a lot of grief.’

Tim: Well, yes, it’s definitely good. It’s a good process, tough process but good results.

Lisa: Yes.

Tim: …and worth it.

Lisa: And in the end it’s worth it for sure.

Tim: Yes.