Does Divorce Mediator Decide What’s Fair

Tim: Yes. The myth was in mediation the mediator decides what’s fair.

Have you ever had that as a concern, so, I post the does the divorce mediator decide what’s fair during divorce mediation?

Lisa: You know what absolutely not! We do not make any of the decisions.

And a really good mediator will remember that from the beginning until the end. Our job is to ask really good questions, lots and lots of questions.

So if you see something happening and see like maybe the balance, the power is tipping a bit without jumping in and rescuing the other party and it could be either party.

It could be the wife taking control and having…

Tim: Sure.

Lisa: …and manipulating and then or it could be not it could be either way.

If you see that balance that power tipping that’s when you start asking the questions. You want to give them the reality check.

You want to say, ‘So what do you think what happen if you decided to do that or what do you think would happen if you make sure this didn’t happen on the side?’
Tim: Alright.

Lisa: This is their process. They need to know that they are in control.

And a lot of people don’t like to take that responsibility. They want to say, ‘Just tell me what to do.’ or ‘What do you think?’ or ‘What do you think what we should do?’

Tim: Right. You get that happened quite a bit?

Lisa: A lot.

Tim: Oh, it must be tough!

Lisa: Because they just want to know like attorneys, they’ll be happy to tell you what they think you should do.

Tim: Right.

Lisa: They’re used to it. And a judge they’ll tell you what you should do. And a lot of people that safer they want to know.

I’m not sure what do you think and it just turn it right back to you.

Tim: So it turned out as a question.

Lisa: And the better the questions, the more powerful the questions, the more quality and quantity of questions then they start coming to the answers themselves.

And that is where it needs to come from.

Tim: That’s kind of goes back to that. It’s the parents being more of a hassle.

It’s just like don’t ask me just tell me.

Lisa: I don’t want to make these decisions. This is too hard. Just tell me what you think I should do.

Tim: Yes.

Lisa: This is not my process. I don’t tell you. I don’t come up with the agreement.

I don’t decide what’s fair. This is your family.

Tim: Okay.