California Divorce – Should You Sell Your Home During Divorce

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

California Divorce – Should You Sell Your Home During Divorce

Tim: Well, I’m glad you came out because part of what we do is making sure that the people that come to us have the information and resources available.

We bring up things that they probably don’t even know or something they need to think about. So if you do want to file for Divorce you don’t need to do that.

But they haven’t thought about all the other things that are involved with this.

So selling their home or potential for needing Mediation are all leading to Bankruptcy and all these things can kind of intertwined with.

It’s just depends on what’s going on. I’m so glad to have you as resource for folks who they can call and I can say, ‘Call Conner. Let’s talk about your options.’

You need to find out your appraisal informations and there are lots of stuff that has to go into this in getting the agreements and all that.

So that’s it. I want to talk about the three options. I came up with three, I put three options and then I added a fourth.

So four options–

Connor: Excuse me.

Tim: They can either sell, right? They can refinance.

Connor: Okay.

Tim: They can keep their existing mortgage.

Connor: Right.

Tim: Right? One can kind of stay there and pay the existing mortgage and there’s reasons why they may want to do that.

Well, they can sell it at the later date. So maybe we can talk about each of these options. I kind of do the slide for each one.

So selling your home during Divorce.

Connor: Important with that process is everybody again with each one of these potential outcomes that you’ve described here.

First part, of course, we need mutual agreement by all parties. If the parties can’t get together then we can talk to the party separately or maybe over the telephone together.

But everybody needs to hear what’s going to happen—

Tim: Right.

Connor: …on what the process is going to work. So as far as selling it only takes one signature from one of the parties to start the process.

However, to finish it both parties have to be in agreement. Both parties have to sign everything.

Tim: That’s assuming they’re both on the loan and on title?

Connor: Correct.

Tim: Correct?

Connor: Correct.

Tim: Now what if only one is on title?

Connor: It’s still going to come down to the loan.

Tim: So the loan depends on? So both can be in title if only one’s in the loan that you can sell it with one signature?

Connor: No, you still need both.

Tim: You still need both, either way on top of that —

Connor: We’re going to look on title. That’s going to be the first thing. And I have to correct myself.

I apologize. However, title lender that is going to go contract. Those are the signatures we need.

Tim: Okay, so it’s title, not the loan?

Connor: I apologize, that’s correct.

Tim: Okay.

Connor: Now the other thing and this is interesting whenever you’re in Escrow or you start that process what I show on title could be different than what’s actually there.

And the only way to verify that is pulling something called preliminary title which is what Escrow does.

Tim: Okay.

Connor: They typically don’t do that until you’re a little bit deep into the process because it costs money.

Tim: Right.

Connor: And they want to kind of make sure. But if things change that addendums have to be drawn up establishing the other people that have to be a part of the contract and then they have to be spoken to as well.

Tim: Okay, sometimes selling the home and making that decision is their only option. They can’t refinance.

Maybe they don’t qualify. And that we’ll talk about those in the other slides.

Hopefully, there’s equity. And we had cases where there’s equity. We have cases where there’s no equity.

And they just have to short sale that and they fall into that other options of maybe just having them stay in the home.

It just sometimes it’s not up to their mutual agreement. It’s based upon their circumstances financially or otherwise.

 

 

 

California Divorce – Can Parties Agree To Keep House And Sell Later

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

California Divorce – Can Parties Agree To Keep House And Sell Later

Connor: The same thing with a quick claim deed.

Tim: Yes, it’s going along.

Connor: Yes, other people and that’s another thing too. Some people are misadvising their clients or in Real Estate and say, well, you can pull the spouse off with the quick claim deed.

Tim: Yes.

Connor: But that doesn’t fix it with the loan.

Tim: No!

Connor: So the cleanest break you would ever had, would be just get rid of it, sell it.

Tim: Or refinance it completely out.

Connor: Absolutely! If one of the party is capable and one of them wants to stay in the house, absolutely!

Tim: I have to say, we’ve had a lot of clients just of financial reasons, quick claim off the house and just take the risk of being on the loan.

And just because they don’t want to short sale and ruin their credit and the mortgage were still a lot less than—you know what I mean?

Connor: Sure.

Tim: That they can make that mortgage payment, the other spouse staying in there. And so the credit and they could stay in there.

But I’m telling you the risk is that if they default, you need to come up with some way of making sure that, that payment would be made either they send you a copy of checks being cashed or some way of verifying just trust your ex to do the right thing.

Connor: Some people I have to look at my own situation. At this point, I would trust my wife of 23 years probably.

Tim: Most likely!

Connor: Yes, most likely to do that. And again, there’s a lot relationships. I know you see it too.

Tim: Yes.

Connor: I mean the spouses are so friendly, it’s almost weird. It’s like they’re both about to give released it from prison.

And they’re willing to do whatever it takes. And there’s no argument at all. But I think that’s the smaller part of the people that get Divorced.

Tim: Yes. Alright, let’s talk about keeping the existing mortgage and letting in your spouse stay. We kind of attest on this a little bit.

We actually attest on it a lot. If the spouse stays in the house, it was not refinancing just staying on that same mortgage, there’s that risk involved.

Connor: And the other things too, let’s say there’s only one party that’s on the loan maybe the other spouse could consider writing up a lease agreement for them.

Actually doing it official, but it’s a sticky situation.

Tim: I don’t know. Make sure we understand that.

Connor: Well, let’s say one of –

Tim: Oh, the one who’s on the loan!

Connor: Absolutely!

Tim: Makes lease to the other.

Connor: They could write up an official agreement stating this is what the monthly amounts going to be. This is when it’s due. This is your part of the obligation with the up keeping the house.

You’re not to sub that rooms, whatever that maybe to try to supplement income because now instead of one eviction, if that’s the way it happens to go and see that’s your enforcement mechanism in contract –

Tim: Got you!

Connor: Instead of one, now all of a sudden if they’re renting rooms out to five or six different people, that’s a $50,000 bill all day long to get all these folks out.

Tim: Yes, we’ve seen that happened once. Now we don’t get those types of crazy cases in our office but we’ve had people to do that.

It is funny when you’re just talking, you remind of a certain scenarios when we had someone, both on the home, both on the—you drop your mic?

Connor: Yes.

Tim: Both on the home and both on the loan and title and one spouse had moved out. The other one stopped paying the mortgage.

And so it was in default. Then they filed bankruptcy, so, we could delay it even further.

And all the while, renting out all the rooms and sections of the living room, he had like six people paying them 500-600 bucks a month.

So he’s making 3,000 or 4,000 a month.

Connor: Wow!

Tim: A month and not paying mortgage.

Connor: What a nightmare!

Tim: Until the last we heard in two years he’d been doing this. So it’s just crazy.

And all the while we get the spouse versus team who got the judgment to sell the house. And now he’s squatting and he won’t move out.

So we got those types of issues as well. So alright, let’s see what else we got here.

Oh, I want to talk about evaluation.

Should You Change Insurance Companies After Divorce

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

Should You Change Insurance Companies After Divorce

Tim: It’s a good time for a new quote anyways.

Jon: Right!

Tim: Now were you saying earlier that we should move change companies? How do you describe it?

Jon: Which you might consider.

It depends on how well you know your Insurance Agent or Broker or the Insurance Company that you are with because a lot of times what will happen is, since your house hold together that when it gets split apart, not everything within the insurance companies is always going to be picked up correctly.

So as a result, you still may have some of your personal stuff going to your ex-spouse. I had dealt with this with Divorce couples where they are very adamant.

I don’t want anything about me going to him…

Tim: Right.

Jon: … or anything about me going to her. And so one thing to consider is that if you’re going to that process is maybe taking it to a different carrier or maybe just to a different Broker if you want to stay with the same carrier just to eliminate the chances of that information being found.

One thing that you’re going to run into is when you split up the house like that or split up the cars, you may find your rates changing a little; examination bit.

And the reason is most companies give discounts when you have multiple cars with them while when you split it out and become two separate accounts then what happens is that discount falls off.

So it’s another reason to look for quotes at that time or look for the coverage just because all these things are happening at once.

It’s just a perfect time to take a look.

Tim: So the company has made about staying with the same changing carriers but staying with the same Broker?

They can do that through one of these companies like I had before. But with you, they can keep you as the Broker changed carriers?

Did I understand that correctly?

Jon: Yes, I don’t want to mislead anybody.

Tim: Yes.

Jon: You, if you’re with a company and I don’t want to mention names a state farm farmers, you all state, that the big companies out there.

All those companies allow you to change your agent if you want to change your agent that helps split apart your household.

Tim: Okay.

Jon: As a Broker, you can do the same thing. What a Broker will allow you to do those maybe see about changing that company all together…

Tim; Got you.

Jon: …if there’s a better deal for you. Some companies are better if you have kids on the policy.

When of you’re single without the kids on the policy, there maybe a better option for you as a single individual than there was with a family as kids.

So those are the sort of things that the Broker can bring to the table.

Tim: Got you! Well, that’s very good.

Santa Monica Divorce Process – Santa Monica Divorce Service

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

Santa Monica Divorce Process – Santa Monica Divorce Service

Today we’re talking about how to file Divorce papers, how to start your Divorce in Santa Monica.

We get a lot of calls from individual Court House locations because there’s a Court House in Santa Monica.

We filled a lot of calls, basically saying, ‘Tim, how do we start the Divorce process? I saw you online. We’re interested in using your service but how does Divorce works?’

So we’re trying to answer those questions for the people going through Divorce or considering filing for Divorce in Santa Monica.

So if we look at the bare, the grass roots of things how to file for Divorce, it’s a matter of filling out a couple of forms and getting a case number issued from the court.

Specifically, we’re talking about filling out a petition, a summons. And in LA County you have what’s called a Jurisdictional Form.

And if you have children, there’s another form that you fill out for children. They want to know, where the children lives.

So it’s actually quite simple to start a Divorce case to file for Divorce. There’s very little information you need.

I’m talking about your name, your spouse’s name, where you guys live, date of marriage, date of separation, the names and the date of births of your kids and a basic idea what you want for custody and visitation and spousal support.

And really that’s it. You barely need very little information to start a Divorce in Santa Monica.

And it’ll only take one person to start. You don’t have to have both people to agree or sign.

It’s a one person fills out the initial paperwork, you become the petitioner. You file the paperwork and that’s how you start a Divorce case in Santa Monica with those forms.

So I just want to let you know that’s the beginning phases of starting a Divorce of course there’s a lot that goes into filing for Divorce and completing the Divorce in Santa Monica, but that’s how you get for the case started.

If you have more questions or you want to talk more about using our affordable, flat fee services, our Paralegal Firm serving Santa Monica, give us a call.

The number is on your screen, 661-281-0266, I’d be happy to give you free consultation.

Let you know what we can do for you. And help you with your Divorce in Santa Monica.

 

Santa Clarita Insurance Service Jon Gardner JSG Insurance

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

Santa Clarita Insurance Service Jon Gardner JSG Insurance

Tim: Hi, this is Tim Blankenship with Divorce661.com. Today, we’re talking with Jon Gardner with JSG Insurance.

Today, we’re talking about Insurance and Divorce and the various issues that need to be address when going through Divorce in California and insurance issues you should look at.

We’re going to be talking about topics on Auto, Home and Life.

So welcome, Jon, thanks for being here today.

Jon: Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

Tim: Absolutely! So why don’t we start by just introducing yourself and tell us about your company. Give us a really diverse background and recently you’ve gone out on your own.

Jon: Yes.

Tim: Since?

Jon: So, yes, I have 25 years of experience within Insurance Industry.

The first 10, 12 years, we spent working with the Insurance Company at the corporate offices like I have to run the business from the inside out.

And then I went out and became an agent for a Captive Company, so, I could only sell one insurance for one company at that point.

And a year ago, I went ahead and made the decision. And I started all over again as a Broker.

And as a Broker, now I have the opportunity to represent more than 30 different companies for my clients.

So whatever my client might need, I’m in a good position to find the right product to the right pricing in order to help them.

So with the internal experience and the different and now only my agency for close to 13 years, I’ve been in a pretty route where things are at.

Tim: That’s good.

Jon: Yes.

Tim: Everything that you generated at this point is rolling.

Jon: Right. As a Broker, I’m not beholding to anyone company. I can do what really and what’s best for my client versus what’s best for the company.

Tim: Right. And that’s how we got connected because I was looking at moving, I kind of like my annual premiums we’re doing on businesses insurance and I was just talking to folks and you’ve been out here for gosh a long time.

Jon: I’ve been out here for 13 years.

Tim: So you were able to give us some of the pricing on because of your current job. So that was—

Jon: For shopping we also found some coverages you didn’t have that were pretty important that we were able to get that for you as well.

And that’s what we tried to do is, try to do a side by side comparison. And find either a better rate for the coverage you have or better coverage for the same rate.

Tim: Right. And more importantly your price is important but so as service.

And for me that was one the most important because I was coming from which called a franchise type company.

Jon: Yes.

Tim: Is that how do you describe it?

Jon: We call it Captive Companies.

Tim: Captive Companies and they just have one product, one price and get what you get.

And with you even I think for one of my insurances like my workers camp or the price was up a little bit but to be honest with you I was willing to pay that for the level of service.

I’m just having someone local someone to call.

Jon: Right.

Tim: But additionally I think we’ll grow into that as far as —

Jon: Absolutely, you will!

Tim: That was the important that I may [inaudible 3:01] with you.

Jon: What is next to deal with somebody locally and you don’t have to call an 800 number for example

Tim: Right.

Jon: There’s somebody that cares out there. We also have staffs.

So if you called my office now and I’m here, there’ll be somebody there that could help you with 90% of what you needed as well.

So we have a pretty quick turn around. And we just want to help people in that way.

Tim: Yes, that’s great!

 

 

Refinancing Your Home During Divorce

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

Refinancing Your Home During Divorce

Tim: So that’s option number one, selling the house. Option number two, we have refinancing your home during the Divorce.

Connor: Yes.

Tim: What we find, we need to catch you up?

Connor: No.

Tim: Just from our perspective is, two things. One spouse usually wants to stay in the home. But usually because of they have their kids and they want to continue raising their kids—

Connor: School—

Tim: In the house and in the school and they’re trying to keep a little bit of normal scene.

But the issue they run into is, does that single parent have the financial ability to refinance in their name?

After one of the spouse wasn’t working obviously that’s not the case. If it’s the working spouse, perhaps they can qualify it for refinancing.

And of course, taking into other factors that finances is available. There’s equity in the home and so forth as the negative equity scenario.

So that’s some of the things we come across where, ‘Tim, I want to keep the home but I can’t afford to refinance on my own.’

Stay in the home and the husband can make the mortgage payment or the spouse can make the mortgage payment you can get kind of convoluted.

So do you see those types of things from the transactions you’ve had?

Connor: It does happen quite a bit. And a lot the people that are purchasing houses there are two income deals.

So I have one of them trying to pull out and be able to take this house and have it refinance so the spouse’s name is nowhere in association with it.

A lot of times, it’s an impossibility!

Tim: Right.

Connor: It can’t happen. And just like you stated which is really important, you need that equity there. You have to qualify for the whole deal.

Tim: Right.

Connor: All pie! So that’s refinancing, some do want to stay. A lot of times though, I would say 85-90% it just can’t happen?

Tim: So that it’s going up in a sale?

Connor: Absolutely!

Tim: Most of the time?

Connor: The other I know, it might be, I don’t know if we can talk about it here maybe part of one of your slides but some of them also think about renting the property out or leasing the property.

Tim: Okay.

Connor: And but again when that comes to the play, we can help you with that. But usually in Divorce people just want to break.

I mean they want to get that thing cut right down the sooner they wanted and just move on. Now you have a property.

Now you have to still communicate with the ex and discuss issues pertaining to property, rather than paying rents, is there damage in the property, is the lawn dying,  did they move pets in there when they weren’t supposed to, lots of things.

So that comes up too. But again, we’re there just like you are there to serve the clients.

And also believe what they want to get but they need to go in armed with all the knowledge.

Tim: Yes, that makes sense. In refinancing if one party is going to stay in the home, refinancing is probably their best option?

Because sort of that if you’re on both parties are on the loan, both parties are on title and you give that property to your spouse and they’re going to live in refinancing, if they don’t you’re still entitled.

You’re still on the loan. And if the default, I mean you’re going to go down with them.

Connor: Absolutely!

Tim: Right, because you’re still entitled to the property. One thing I’d like to add to that real quick is the agreements that you make with the court, let’s say you get a court order, you guys come to an agreement that spouse is going to keep the house.

And you’re not going to refinance because it’s not possible. And they default on the loan.

You can’t take your court agreement that is signed by the judge and say, ‘Look Bank of America, I don’t have—and your lives are actually more–

Connor: ‘I’m free and clear because the judge said it.’

Tim: Right.

Connor: So now this isn’t going to impact me when I want to go out there and buy something out, yes!

Tim: It doesn’t work that way. So despite the agreement you have with your spouse in the court and the judge signed off on it.

Torrance Paralegal Divorce An Alternative To Divorce Attorney In Torrance, CA

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

Torrance Paralegal Divorce An Alternative To Divorce Attorney In Torrance, CA

I’m going to first say that we are not a law firm and we are attorneys.

I just want to get this video on in front of you, to folks that are looking for an attorney say in the Torrance, California area.

I’ll let you know that there are alternatives to hiring a Divorce Attorney such as our firm.

Now we are a full service Divorce Document Preparation Firm specializing only in Divorce serving the Torrance, California area.

What that means is that we can do everything a law firm can do except giving legal advice and represent you in court.

So let’s say you do need an attorney. Let’s say you’re looking for an attorney and I tricked you into watching this video.

You need an attorney. You’re going to need legal representation maybe you even already have a consultation with an attorney you just haven’t hired them yet.

What we want to do is, say number one, less than 10% of cases all throughout California are handled by an attorney.

The majority of folks going through it they don’t need attorney. They just may need a little legal advice or maybe go on a consultation.

But ultimately, they’re either doing it themselves or hiring a company like us to prepare the documents since we obviously suggest.

So two things! Number one either you know you need an attorney for your Divorce in Torrance. And you want to come to us to help get those initial documents done.

Let’s get the ball rolling and get the case filed, served, do your financial disclosures and let us do all the paperwork.

So if you are going to need an attorney at least you’re spending the money on them doing attorney stuff instead of filing up paperwork.

Or number two, what if we can get you through Divorce and you don’t need an attorney? And that’s what we’re finding.

People though they would need an attorney. They saw one of our videos. They call us up.

By the way free consultations. The number is on your screen. Give me a call.

We’ll talk about specifically. And I’ll fill out. We’ve done a lot of cases. We handle several hundreds cases a year.

And I’ll let you know based on the circumstances that we think we can get you through or if we get stucked maybe we can send you out for some mediation.

But sometimes there’s nothing we can do even though we’ve got all the paperwork done, you still need to go and see an attorney because one of the parties isn’t being fair or reasonable or is untruthful.

And those types of cases that you’ll probably need the legal advice or attorney assistance with but most of the case you’re not going to need that.

You can use our service. And three things will happen. We’ll get you all the way through.

We’ll get you mostly through. And then you’ll need mediation. Have someone sit down with you to come up with agreements.

And then you come back to us. And we’ll finish things up. Or we do all the paperwork and you needed to hire an attorney maybe just to review it.

And say, ‘Hey, this looks fair. I had a Paralegal Firm draft this up. This seems fair. This is will something I should sign?’

In that way you know you’re protected on all sides.

So give us a call if you’re thinking of hiring an attorney in Torrance. I’d love to talk to you and see if it’s something we can help you save some money.

At least part way or maybe even all the way.

661-281-0266. Give us a call. I’d love to help you out. Thanks.

Life, Home, Auto & Business Insurance In Santa Clarita

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

Life, Home, Auto & Business Insurance In Santa Clarita

Tim: So anything to add? I mean this is regarding our conversation. I love doing these.

We have different topics here each week. And good things always come out of it.

Jon: Yes. Well, I appreciate you having me.

Tim: Yes.

Jon: Because this is one of the things that at by the time we usually get to people, it’s too late on the other situations.

So I’m just glad you’re out there educating people in these situations so that we’re in a position to help them before something bad happens and that if it didn’t worked out the way we helped that way.

Tim: It’s all about the education point of idea. I do so many videos. We’re doing these videos talking about Life Insurance because it’s related to Divorce and all of that.

So education is what we do. I have tons of videos and we have podcast and we just have so much information out there.

It’s incredible! But I’m glad to hear experts in various fields able to help explain it better than I can.

Jon: But what I would encourage people who I think is going through this process, you can tell that by making a list of things.

It sounds like going to you might be a way to get themselves well educated.

Tim: Yes.

Jon: So, that they’ll understand what the process is going to be like as they go through it and I think that’s just makes it easier for them.

Tim: Alright, well, thanks for coming.

Jon: Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

Tim: Yes. Let people know real quick before we sign off here, where they can get a hold of you, your phone number or your email.

You got what, jsginsurance.com?

Jon: Right. So I’m working out here in Santa Clarita because I’ve been here for 13 years with the business.

We’re over on Tourney Rd. just right by right across the street from the Valencia Country Club.

And the best way to reach us is by call us at our number which is 661-388-5288. And we will be happy to help you anyway we can.

Even if it’s just to give you information, that’s fine. We’re good with that.

Tim: And you handle auto, home…

Jon: Home, life and all business types of insurance too. We work with a lot of small business and medium business insurance.

Tim: I don’t mind.

Jon: There you go! So that doesn’t come up so much in the Divorce situation.

Tim: Sure.

Jon: In terms from an insurance standpoint but certainly something we can help you with.

Tim; Absolutely!

Jon: Yes.

Tim: Well, thanks again for stopping by.

Jon: Thank you having me. I appreciate it.

Tim: And we’ll do this again. I appreciate it.

Jon: Alright.

Tim: Thank you sir.

Jon: Alright.

Tim: Alright.

Jon: Take care!

 

Is Divorce Mediation More Of A Hassle Than Hiring A Lawyer?

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

Is Divorce Mediation More Of A Hassle Than Hiring A Lawyer?

Tim: Next myth. The myth was mediation is more of a hassle than hiring a lawyer to handle the Divorce.

So in this case is mediation more of a hassle than just hiring a lawyer?

Lisa: You know I think people have a hard time with something new or something different than just to try it into ‘I’m going to get my attorney. You get your attorney. And let’s just kind of haggle this out the best we can.’

It’s definitely a change in the way that people think about Divorce. I would hope that it’s not more of a hassle.

I think it’s just probably learning about the process. Someone needs to do a little bit of research, make a few phone calls, find out what the difference is are between mediation and litigation.

It’s such a simple process with personally with my mediation organization you make a phone call. You come in for a free consultation.

There’s no retainer. There’s no meeting with the other persons attorney and having all these disclosure.

Tim: Right.

Lisa: This is just on your terms. Come in. Let’s talk. Let’s see what you guys want.

Let’s see what you guys want to see at the end of this process.

I think it’s more of a re-education of people and just trying and taking that one step to find out, okay, instead of just getting a lawyer and talking to my friends if I have the best lawyer in town.

It’s what are the differences and just kind of educating yourself about it.

Tim: Got you! When I read this question what I saw in this question was that it is more of a hassle to personally have to sit down and work through your issues with your spouse.

That’s hard for…

Lisa: It is.

Tim: Especially for guys they’ll, okay, we’re going to sit down and personally work through this, as opposed to, it’s easy…

Lisa: Right!

Tim: …to just throw money on the attorney…

Lisa: And let them make the decisions…

Tim: …and say you deal with my problems because…

Lisa: No, I agree with you.

Tim: …here is what I want. Let me know when you have that happen. And not have to…

Lisa: This is an investment in time and in emotion and on both sides.

Tim: Yes.

Lisa: They need to be willing to say, ‘You know what, we don’t want to hate each other. And we would like so many leftover at the end of this process.’

Tim: Right.

Lisa: ‘And we want our kids to be whole and healthy and happy.’

So you’re right. It does take a lot more time and energy…

Tim: Right.

Lisa: …and investment.

Tim: In that way.

Lisa: In that way, to be able to go to this process.

Tim: That’s how I read the question. Maybe the guy perspective on this is like, ‘You know what, I’m just going to write you a check.’

And many people do until that money runs out. But you know just throw money at the lawyer and say deal with it is easier to a degree.

Lisa: And just to make you safe and just to let you know and just plug in the numbers and tell me what I can get out of this.

And make sure my partner doesn’t get everything. And I get what I want. And so I agree with you.

It’s a lot more time consuming and a lot more emotionally involved.

Tim: Absolutely! But the energy spent is going to result in better decisions long term.

Lisa: It’s all worth it.

 

Is Divorce Mediation For Wimps?

Posted by Tim Blankenship on

Is Divorce Mediation For Wimps?

Tim: Okay, the next myth. I like this one. I wasn’t sure if I was going to use this one but I thought it would bring a good topic.

So this myth is mediation is for wimps. So the question here is Divorce Mediation for wimps?

And the one reason I want to bring this up is because I think this is a guy thing. It’s obvious it’s not a girl thing or a woman thing.

There are guys, ‘I’m not going to do that.’

Lisa: Right.

Tim: ‘I’m the man.’ What do you think about that?

Lisa: You know and I think that ties into our last question, our last myth about you know…

Tim: The hassle or to deal with it.

Lisa: …the hassle, the investment, the emotional part of it. It is definitely not for wimps.

You have to be pretty strong and invested and determined.

Tim: It’s true!

Lisa: …to make this relationship work.

Tim: It’s actually the opposite.

Lisa: It’s the opposite.

Tim: It’s the exact opposite of that.

Lisa: I think you’re weak if you’re just going to let somebody else take control of your life. And tell you what you’re going to do with your life.

Tim: Yes.

Lisa: So I think if you have it in you, you have to have a lot of strength and a lot of willingness to commit to the process.

Tim: Right.

Lisa: …to be able to work it out to where it’s worth it for everybody involved in the end. So I think it’s not for wimps.

It’s for somebody who wants to make sure that everybody comes out fairly pole at the end of the process.

Tim: It’s definitely harder to sit down but in the time and effort to sit down especially with someone who you’re disengaging from.

Lisa: Right.

Tim: And come up with the decisions and work through with those issues. It’s not easy.

Lisa: No. It’s not easy. And it will take control and you will have emotions coming up that you don’t want to talk about.

Tim: Right.

Lisa: But again I want to reiterate this is not therapy session. And a lot of men tend to shy away from that.

Their wives said, ‘We should go in couple therapy.’ and they’re like—

This is just a communication process, a place where you can make decisions about your life, about your marriage, about your kids, about your money without somebody hanging over your shoulder telling you yes or no.

This is your time to make those decisions.

Tim: Very good, not for wimps.

Lisa: No!